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super_sumo_sausage
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Name: Robert Jason
Country: Philippines
State: the south
Birthday: 3/4/1982
Gender: Male
Interests: good coffee, different kinds of tea, minty stuff, food: cooking and eating, caffeine, art: matisse, warhol, dali, monet, van gogh, etc.. aliens, music: jazz, blues, funk, alternative, local bands, bass guitars, spontaneity, surprises, pulling pranks, adobe photoshop, good conversation
Expertise: crazy legs
Occupation: Executive
Industry: Retail
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
MSN: rjsausa
Yahoo:  rjsausa
Member Since:
6/7/2004
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| Ernest Hemingway said: "Never write about a place until you're away from it, because that gives you perspective."
Being an ocean away from my family and my home has given me a new perspective.
Its the little things that i miss.
--cooking some new dish for the family.
--picking up and dropping off mae and my mom at work.
--watching bad copies of pirated DVD's with my dad and laughing.
--hanging out with the band and doing nothing but having the time of our life.
--the warmth of a small, loving church.
--waking up to find saki (our dog) sleeping next to me. | | |
| At the peak of my busy-ness (that's actually an understatement), i am going to take off and head to the mountains.
for 4-5 days, i'm hiking the Banaue Rice Terraces, spelunking in Sagada, and then chilling out in Baguio and maybe Hundred Islands on the way back down. and i'm gonna leave everything behind--my cellphone, my deadlines, my worries, and my work. Enough with the figurative examples and metaphors about mountains. This time i'm literally gonna go to my mountain and climb it. And in the process, i hope to refind myself, my heart, and my God. | | |
| Hello xanga, my old friend.
It's been ages since i've updated. Ironically, the more that is happening in my life, the less time i have set aside to write about it. i've had a million and one thoughts buzzing in my brain and a hundred stories to tell since the last time i've written here. and when i look back at all the angst, i realize that all that is waaay behind me.
and i'm light years away from where i was. in so many ways.
so much has happened. and so much has changed.
i have a new found perspective on many things.
i have a new job...though i still have my old one.
i need to get back to writing. aside from being very therapeutic, i love looking back and reading old entries. i laugh at how brash, corny, or immature i once was. but most of all, i realize how much i've grown and changed over the years.
that reminds me of how growing up, my dad would track our growth on the wall. every few months, my sisters and i would happily line up against the wall in the hallway. we proudly stand up as straight as we could (i've always been a hunchback) and my dad would get a ruler, lay it on top of our heads and mark off our height with a pencil. then he'd write the date. i remember how happy i'd be every time my latest pencil mark surpassed the last--even if i had only grown a fraction of an inch. before we moved to the philippines, i remember looking back at the wall full of pencil marks and fading dates. it was a testimony of how much i had grown over the years. though i can't imagine myself being 2 or 3 feet tall, that wall proved that at one time i was.
this journal is very similar to that wall. it's a testimony of my growth. though i can't exactly remember what my sentiments, worries, fears or values were 4 or 5 years ago, this journal reminds me. and as i read over my old entries, i do remember.
life is getting busier by the day these days. and while it may seem like i have less time, the truth is i don't. i still have 24 hours in a day and 7 days a week. the only difference is i have more things that i need to finish within those 24 hours and 7 days. i think i need to slowly start taking away some of those things. | | |
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Back on my mountain, there has been a sudden change of scenery. The calm that I described in the last entry may very well be the proverbial and dreaded calm before the storm. For a moment, everything was so clear, so calm, so peaceful. But those peaceful moments have since been covered by conflict and attacked by adversity.
My breathing has become labored and my steps seem heavy. Every breath and every step i take seems like a battle in itself.
Breathe in.
Step.
Breathe out.
Step.
Repeat.
I have to consciously tell myself to breathe and to take a step. It is an arduous but necessary process. Breathing is a chore and oxygen is hard to find. The burden on my back is so heavy, it feels like someone pulling me down. My legs begin to spasm and my arms ache. But i will not turn back, nor will i fall to the wayside. If i stop now, i may never make it to the top. It's getting harder and harder to breathe and even harder to take step after step. And now, the summit seems farther than ever.
My body is begging me to take a break. The path before me, steeper and scarier than ever, seems to mock me. i start to think about how far the summit is, how difficult the path is, and how heavy my burden is. And just as the fatigue and fear of all that begin to set in, i shake my head and refocus. Instead, i choose to divert my attention to the summit. I close my eyes and remember the beauty of it. And i relentlessly press on. Instead of focusing on the difficulties and the things i cannot control, i focus on what i can control. My breathing and my steps.
Breathe in.
Step.
Breathe out.
Step.
Repeat.
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A crushing blow was dealt to me today. And it was the result of many things that were out of my control. Now that can either be a very comforting thought or a very discomforting thought. Right now, its more of the latter. For now, i will simply concentrate on my breathing (prayer is the breath of the Christian life) and my steps (the things i need to do that may not make sense, but that will be done in faith). | | |
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OK1 or o·kay (-k)
adj.
1. Agreeable; acceptable.
2. Satisfactory; good.
3. Not excellent and not poor; mediocre.
4. In proper or satisfactory operational or working order:
5. Uninjured; safe
These days, many settle for what is "ok." Favorite filipino phrases like "ok lang" or "pwede na" paint a more colorful picture of why our country is the way it is. When we settle for what is "ok," we miss out on what is "best." It's been said that the good is the worst enemy of the best. And since God has given me a taste of the best, its hard to go back and settle for anything less. I don't want an ok life. I don't want a mediocre life. I don't want to live a life that is merely acceptable, but I want a life that is excellent. I don't want to live a life that is safe. God isn't safe. But God is good. If we serve Him by only doing what is safe, we may not be talking to the true God of the universe. The Christian faith is about losing our life in order to find it. It is about dying in order to live. We are warned that if we play it safe all the time, if we save our life, we are apt to lose it.
I don't want--no, I can't live a life that is safe. I can't go back to being mediocre or just ok. Ok isn't ok. Ok won't do. I want to live a life that is great, excellent, and outstanding. And if that means making myself completely vulnerable and taking some risks, then it is worth it. Living an OK life doesn't seem like living at all. It's merely existing.
I want to live.
"We were meant to live for so much more." [switchfoot]
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